Notes About the Self

by Alonso Gaytan

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Someone told me recently that after a certain point of your life all the parties are the
same, and that’s the point where you reach a kind of stage similar of what you
experiment with E, you’re only trying to reach a climax that won’t come ever again.

I discovered the joy of being myself during the nights out I spend in my first year
in London. A fluent and queer community was waiting for me to join, however I also
discovered that in a room full of screamers is quite difficult to be listened.

So after a wild ride I decided to listen to my own voice. The effect to turn into
myself was the beginning of my transition.

After I left behind four years of denial, a very painful, complex and sometimes
sweet femininity started developing, and so did my external world.

I couldn’t find more support and acceptance of my identity among friends and
coworkers but there’s still a fight outside for our rights, needs and wants.

About the dysphoria, well I try to kick it out with the euphoria that comes of
knowing my process, and yes, maybe it’s similar to chasing rainbows but I don’t think anyone should give up on the journey.

There’s a room for me, and us.
We don’t need to scream, we need to be present.

Alonso Gaytan is currently studying Fashion Design Womenswear at Central Saint Martins, she has a background in bespoke couture tailoring which deconstructs in order to find new ways of communicating a subversive idea of womanhood.

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